SaMeaCH A Camp HASC Weekly Dvar Torah L'Ilui Nishmas                                       Shmuel Menachem Chaim Ben Daniel V'Shoshana A"H -      Stevie Newman     Parshas Vayishlach- When Being Overprotective Crosses the Line             I think it is fair to say that everyone is overprotective over someone or something. (You can ask my sister, I am very, very, very overprotective... So if a boy comes along, well, let's just say, no more Mr. Nice Guy. Yeah. I'm THAT overprotective. Sorry if I'm embarrassing you Michelle...) But hey, can you blame me!? Haven't we all gone through an experience where we felt the need to protect our loved ones from a bad influence? Whether it's a parent forbidding his/her child to hang around a certain crowd, to watch certain movies, or an overprotective brother telling some little punk-kid to stay far away from his sister, we all have moments in our lives where we feel that it is necessary to be overprotective so that our loved ones shouldn't get hurt.                         Therefore, it is both perplexing and troubling to me as to why Yaakov Avinu is punished for seemingly doing just that- overprotecting his daughter Dinah from the evil influence of Uncle Esav! Where did he go wrong? How can a father be penalized so harshly for just looking out for the welfare and safety of his only daughter? Since when is being overprotective, and rightfully so, a crime?!               This question was really bothering me the whole week until today, when Hashem answered my question by way of my chavrusa and Rebbe, so thank you HaKadosh Baruch Hu for Your help, and thank you to my chavrusa and Rebbe as well! (It goes without saying that none of my divrei Torah could ever exist without Hashem's Siyata Dishmaya and guidance. Chasdei Hashem!) Before I get into answering the question, let's just go through a quick overview of what transpired in the Parsha.               When the angels inform Yaakov Avinu that Esav is approaching him with 400 men, Yaakov becomes very distressed, and begins preparing for the worst and hoping for the best. He sends 550 animals to Esav as a gift (wouldn't you love to get a goat for Chanukah this year!?), davens, and spreads out his family into two camps in case a war were to break out. Then the pasuk tells us (32:23) "... he took his two wives, his two handmaids, and his eleven sons..." Rashi points out- and where was Dinah? Yaakov put her into a chest and locked it over her, so that Esav should not set his eyes upon her. This is why Yaakov was punished, because he withheld Dinah from his brother although she might have returned him to virtuous conduct. So very nice, Yaakov is punished because he prevented the chance of Dinah being m'karev Esav. But aren't we always told by great Rabbanim that one should never do kiruv at the risk and expense of their own spiritual health? Esav had great role models around him all his life- his grandfather was Avraham Avinu, his parents were Yitzchak and Rivka, and his brother was Yaakov. Yet, none of them had any sort of impact or effect upon him. Esav remained unchanged, and he rejected and spiritual nourishment. So back to the thing that is bothering me- IS IT SO BAD THAT YAAKOV DIDN'T WANT TO PUT HIS DAUGHTER AT RISK!? The odds were very against Yaakov. It seemed much more likely that Esav would influence Dinah than the other way around. So where did Yaakov go wrong?               The fourth perek in Mesilas Yesharim states that in regards to the severity of Heavenly judgment, the greater the person that is being judged, the more stringent the judgment is. Sure enough, one of the examples given is Yaakov's act in our Parsha. There is no doubt that Yaakov had the right intentions. In fact, the Gemara tells us that someone who lets his daughter marry an ignoramus is viewed as if he tied her up and threw her into a lion's den. So what was Yaakov's mistake? The Alter of Slabodka points out something incredible. Yaakov's fault lies in the words "V'naal B'Faneha"- and he locked the chest upon her. Had all Yaakov wanted to do was hide Dinah from Esav, placing her in the chest would have sufficed. But in taking that extra step of actually locking the chest, Yaakov showed that a) he actually felt some satisfaction that Esav would have no access to Dinah and b) he did not even consider the slightest possibility that Dinah just might be able to save Esav, so he figured he might as well lock it completely as a safety precaution. Yaakov did not entertain the idea that Dinah could have a positive effect on Esav for a second, and that is where he went wrong- for totally giving up hope in his brother. He felt that Esav was a lost cause, and there was no chance. But there is always a chance. As long as the neshoma is burning inside a Jew, there is always hope. There is always that tiny flicker left of the flame, waiting to be kindled. No Jew is ever lost to the point of no return. No Jew is ever a lost cause. Not even Esav.               Kiruv is certainly a very tricky and difficult thing. But we are all capable (and in fact, obligated) in doing Kiruv in some shape or form. That does not necessarily mean we must go around learning Torah with secular Jews and persuade them to start keeping the 613 mitzvos. We have to be realistic. We can be m'karev others by simply acting like a mentsch, or by greeting people with a smile. If a person sees you acting properly consistently, and always being b'simcha, it will rub off on him. It will make him want to discover and explore what you are a part of that makes you so happy and causes you to treat others nicely. That is Kiruv too! The key is to never give up hope in someone. Never view someone as a lost cause, and therefore, not worth your time and efforts. Rav Avraham Schorr, Shlita says that just as we are obligated to give a ma'aser, a tenth, of our money, we are obligated to give a tenth of our time to helping others. And we should not think, Chas V'Shalom, that if we give up a tenth of our time teaching the basics and fundamentals of Judaism we will lose out, or worse, regress, in our learning! If you give a tenth of your time to others, you will certainly be rewarded, and only gain in your Torah observance. Just don't lose hope, even in the most lost and confused Yid out there. We must remember that each person must find his/her own path. What works for thousands may not work for someone else. The Rav of my shul, Rav Eisenman, Shlita, recently sent out an interesting email that I would like to share with you: "Last night I went to a wedding in Borough Park. As I wanted to return in time for my women's Chumash Shiur, I wanted to get home the fastest way. Out came the GPS and off I went. You can really gain a tremendous amount of Torah true direction through the GPS. Here are just a few examples- I am sure you can add more on your own.   1) If you make a wrong turn, the GPS lady never says: "You dummy, you will never get home! You might as well abandon your car and walk because you cannot follow simple directions!" Quite the opposite, no matter how wrong a turn you make, she will say with the same understanding voice and without anger: "calculating route." Meaning, the GPS always knows that there are many ways to return home; there are different routes for different people. No one route is right for everyone. Here we have the lesson of Teshuvah. Not every yeshiva is for everyone and not every Torah path works for every child or every adult. Some people receive inspiration from the Short Vort and some people (believe it or not) get their inspiration other places (although I can't imagine where else). When a child considers a different Torah path- we cannot just reject their derech, we have to calculate the new route for them. 2) Even when you make a totally unacceptable wrong turn, the GPS lady never says: "That's it, you blew it, and I am leaving you and for now on you have to fend for yourself!" No, she never says that, rather, she will say: "Make your first possible legal u-turn." Wow! What a beautiful Torah approved way to correct me! When someone goes "off-the derech", do not abandon them, rather, encourage them to make a 'legal spiritual u-turn' when possible! How often do we get so bent out of shape when our child does one thing that we think is wrong? We want the child (or the adult) to return immediately to the fold, however, we must realize that we must give the person the space they need and allow them 'when possible- to make the first legal u-turn'."               By punishing Yaakov, the Torah teaches us a very important lesson. Just as Hashem, our Father, is always ready and willing to welcome back his lost children with open arms, we must never "close the chest" all the way on anyone. Our goal is to make a Jew that is trying to come back on the derech feel as wanted and loved as possible, no matter what! We cannot judge them, as Pirkei Avos states, that we cannot judge a person if we have never been in their position. The Sfas Emes comments- and we will never be in their position, because each person has their own unique path in life that he alone, and no one else, will ever walk upon. We must emulate the ways of Hashem, who is always eager to welcome his children home.  It shouldn't matter if this Jew wears black and white and this Jew barely wears anything at all. It shouldn't matter if this Jew looks into a Sefer and this Jew looks at the TV screen. Nor should it matter if one Jew has no hair but long payis and the Jew next to him has no payis but long hair! None of that matters, because ultimately, our job as a Klal Yisrael, as a single unit, is to be there for one another and to bring each other up, not to put each other down. Instead of looking down at Jews who are "less frum", let's try to focus on their potential and help them bring it out, instead of just beating them down further into the mud. Let's put our differences aside and show our Abba in Heaven how much we love and care about all our siblings. When it comes to bringing Moshiach, we cannot afford to leave a single Jew behind.             HAVE AN UPLIFTING AND JOYOUS SHABBOS!!! (Suggestions? Comments? Interested in writing for SaMeaCH? Please feel free to contact Aaron Fleksher at aaronflek@gmail.com)

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