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Managing Children’s Behavior Creatively
by
Dr. Shoshana Rybak, Director of Psychological Services, HASC
In
the past two decades we have
experienced the burgeoning
of literature on successful
parenting and effective management
of children’s
behavior. Parents
seem bewildered by their offspring’s
behavior and are often at
a loss as to what to do when
confronted by unacceptable
behavior. While
training for most professional
roles is rigorous and taken
seriously, by contrast, training
for the role of parent is
often woefully poor or completely
lacking. For
the most important mission
of our life, the rearing of
the next generation, we are
generally, not well prepared. Parents
are often mystified by their
children’s
negative acts and seek expert
advice on effective handling
of problem behaviors. Effective
behavior management is neither
mysterious nor too complicated. While
there may be a variety of
techniques and combinations
of methods in the toolkit
of psychologists and educators,
the basic principles can be
easily understood by most
parents.
A
note about punishment is in
order. Punishment,
to be effective, must be consistent
and mild, not severe and erratic. Parents
often forget this and overreact. A
useful method of punishment
is time-out. In
time-out procedure the child
is placed in an area that
is low on stimulation and
is, in fact, quite boring. The
child is expected to stay
there (and the parent must
firmly insist on it) for the
duration of time-out. Time-out
need not be long. Five minutes
will often suffice. Ten
minutes, however, may be needed
for the older child. A
good rule to follow is one
minute for each year of age. To
facilitate the child’s
understanding of time, a portable
timer should be used and set
to ring following the specified
minutes of time-out. When
the child is sent to “time-out” the
command must be clear and
brief, no more than ten words
and within ten seconds.
Indoor Activities
Here are some suggestions for indoor activities to help keep kids engaged, and at the same time practicing some great skills! Bubble blowing
All you need for this fun activity
is a small plate or bowl, a plastic
drinking straw, dish washing
liquid and tap water. Place two
drops of dish washing liquid in
the center of a plate or bowl.
Run water over the dish soap to
create foam or bubbles. Have
children point their straws into
the water, and blow softly and
gently into the water. Slow
and steady will create huge
bubbles!
Feely Box
Use any box that closes or has
a lid, a shoebox is ideal. Cut a
hole in the side of the box large
enough for a child's hand to fit
inside. Place an object inside
the box and see if they can
guess what it is. If they can't
guess right away, let them ask
questions or provide them with
clues until they figure it out.
Writing Box
If you have kids, you need one
of these! You can find shoe box
sized plastic containers with
lids from your local dollar store.
Stock the box with crayons,
markers, colored pencils, small
plain paper pads, envelopes,
stickers, stencils, a pencil
sharpener and an eraser. This
box should be kept stocked so
that when needed, everything
will be at your fingertips.
Explain to children that this is
a "special" writing box and that
everything that comes out,
must go back in for the next
time they want to get creative.
Paper Bag Puppets
The easiest form of this requires
only a paper lunch bag and
crayons or markers. Simply
draw on a face and you have a
puppet! To make the characters
more elaborate, decorate with
yarn for hair, buttons for eyes,
and glitter for cheeks. Ribbon
can be added to the hair or
made into a bow tie for the
"neck". Draw on eyelashes and
lips with colorful markers.
Collages
Save old magazines and
catalogs and store them in a
cabinet just for this purpose.
Have the kids cut out pictures
and paste them onto a piece
of cardboard or construction
paper. You can let them cut
out whatever they want, or
assign each child a letter of
the alphabet or a theme to
go by for a more challenging
project. Keep a trash can close
by for the scraps and be sure
to keep a stock of glue sticks
on hand!
Coloring Pasta
Place a handful of dry,
uncooked pasta, such as
ziti, rotini or farfelle, into a
plastic zipper baggie. Add a
tablespoon of white vinegar
and 2-3 drops of food coloring.
Close the baggie and have the
kids shake the bag until the
pasta is completely colored.
Spread out onto a paper plate
or paper towel and allow to
dry. Use several baggies to
create different colors. Once the
pasta is dry, kids can use yarn
to string together pieces to
make necklaces and bracelets,
or glue them to paper plates or
construction paper to create a
work of art.
Family Memory Game
Play a family memory game
with your kids by asking
questions like "Who has a
brother named Ari?" and "Who
is married to Aunt Tammy?"
Look through old photo albums
and see if kids can guess who is
who in each picture.
Create a Story
You can do this out loud or have kids write their entries on paper. Someone starts the story with "Once upon a time there lived a...", that person chooses the character and setting (princess in a far away land). The next child tells the next part of the story, and so on around the room, the story changing with each new addition.
Making Sense of the Senses:
Sensory Integration and your Child
By Emily Rivera, PT Trying to solve a tedious trigonometric problem on paper is difficult enough when one thinks about it. Now imagine that the pen you’re holding is covered in sandpaper. Or the buzz of the fluorescent light above you is so loud, it’s deafening. Or even worse, trying to find the solution while feeling seasick. Would you be able to finish the task at hand through these distractions? While this might seem to be nothing but an exercise of the imagination for most of us, it is a daily occurrence for some children who have a condition called sensory integration dysfunction (SID). For these children, the world is a confusing, threatening place they’re not comfortable to be in, much less to explore. They are unable to correctly find meaning in the sensations entering their systems, or organize their behavior to successfully interact with the world. These children feel lost and overwhelmed in their surroundings, and view the normal tasks of childhood as insurmountable challenges. Parents frequently perceive that these children are out-of-sync with others and feel helpless when the child has meltdowns in the most inappropriate situations. To properly understand the problem, one needs to know how a person’s sensory system works. Ask a man on the street what his senses are, and he will be quick to answer the basic five – vision, hearing, smell, taste and touch. These senses provide us with "external" input – information about our surroundings, such as what the table in front of us looks and feels like, or what kind of bread is baking in the oven. What is not readily apparent is that there are other sensory systems that serve as the base from which the other five senses work. These systems – the vestibular sense (subserving balance and movement) and proprioception (for muscle and joint sense) – provide a person with the “internal” information of our body’s position with respect to gravity, and where our limbs are in relation to our other body parts. They determine how comfortable we are in participating with the outside world and if not optimally functioning, would also cause the other senses to misfire. How the sensory systems take in all the information, then combine them with past experiences and memories is what is termed as sensory integration. Considering how complex this process is, it is amazing how time and time again the brain can organize all input from the sensory systems simultaneously, present it to a person’s nervous system in a way it will find useful, then formulate a response to the demands of the environment – with these occurrences all occurring at the same time. This process goes on all the time in our brains, so our nervous system is always in a state of activity. In children with SID, this process is imbalanced and inconsistent, causing problems in learning and relating with their friends and loved ones. The roles they need to fulfill during their childhood – to play, be a student, and form friendships with others – are severely curtailed, setting up the stage for further difficulties in their teenage years and into adulthood. Difficulties in sensory integration take a myriad of forms. Some children may be overly sensitive to some sensations, as in a child who gets easily upset with movement on a swing; while others need greater than normal amounts of sensory input for it to even register in their nervous systems. Still some cannot correctly distinguish salient sensory information from all other input from the environment, making the child easily distracted by ambient sounds and sights. A child may present as hyperactive, have poor balance and awkward coordination. Disorganized behavior is also common – a child may present as impulsive, lacking safety awareness, or have difficulties in adjusting to new situations or following directions. One must be cautious with a labeling a child with SID however, because not every child who has trouble learning has difficulties in sensory integration. One needs to consult an experienced occupational therapist (OT) to determine its presence, and to differentiate what might be a neurological response from misbehaviors. Extensive knowledge and training in sensory integration make OTs the most reliable professionals to evaluate a child’s sensory needs and formulate the appropriate intervention strategies. The expansive nature of sensory integration, however, requires that many professionals in the healthcare and educational fields collaborate in the treatment of a child with SID. Schools and treatment centers now have specially-trained physical therapists, speech-language pathologists and special education teachers working alongside an OT for this purpose. Pediatric dentists, psychologists, play therapists are also some of the many people who have played important roles in the home and school settings. To encourage the development of sensory integration skills, a child needs an environment with the "just right" challenge – one that is specially designed to meet his needs, while not overwhelming him and causing his fragile nervous system to shut down. A child is provided with therapeutic activities under the guise of play, encouraging him to play interactively in a manner that is organized and functional. In a way, a child is given the structure in which he can practice his skills, while providing him the necessary freedom to explore and have fun. In Answers to Questions Teachers Ask about Sensory Integration, Jane Koomar, PhD, OTR/L, FAOTA states: "By balancing structure and freedom, the therapist helps the child to develop both his neural organization and his inner direction. The child is given much control over therapy as he can handle, as long as his activity is therapeutic. The therapist controls the environment, while the child controls his actions." This balancing act of having the child direct the therapeutic process, while the therapist makes constant but appropriate adjustments to the environment, forms the core of sensory integration intervention. Developmental skills of self-care, writing and gross motor play are best taught this way, with therapists and teachers helping the children along in overcoming obstacles by themselves and maximizing their potential for development. And with these professionals working closely with the children, they also form warm, dynamic relationships that are vital for development of social skills. Most of the improvements noted may be subtle at first – it may be as simple as increased eye contact between the child and his parents, or a greater eagerness to climb over playground equipment. The implications of these changes are far-reaching, though. An improved attitude about one’s self often translates into better command of his life, because a child will have more control of his own reactions, and greater self-confidence to relate to his environment and peers. He will feel less anxious about exploring the world around him and, in his own time, grow into the responsible young adult that all parents strive for their children to be. Resilient Children:
The Siblings of a Brother or Sister with Special Needs
By Shoshana Rybak, PsyD, NCSP “Hinai ma tov uma naim shevet achim gam yachad” Special families are exceptional in many ways, from the moment of awareness of their child’s special needs, to the rallying of loved ones and the marshalling of resources to meet the challenges, they display their unique approaches. However, most show a strong commitment to grow, learn, adjust, and overcome challenges alongside their special children. We often focus on the role of the parents, their personality, strengths, devotion and commitment, and less often on the other significant members of the family: the siblings. Nonetheless, much of what can be said about being a parent of a child with special needs can also be said about a brother or sister of a special child. Often siblings will be involved in the lives of their exceptional brothers or sisters long after the parents have departed from this world or can no longer advocate on their behalf. Siblings have an enormous influence on their brothers and sisters, usually second only to that of the mother. Their role in the life of a brother or sister with a disability often extends sixty to eighty years – much longer than that of the parents. Yet the contributions of siblings to the lives of children with disabilities have not been explored as much in the literature. Note, for example, how many CSE (Committee on Special Education) meetings involve siblings or compare the services and considerations offered by most agencies to parents with special needs children to those given to the siblings. In many cases, the role and contribution of siblings is neglected, and more importantly, their experiences, personal concerns and issues are overlooked. All siblings provide a continuing relationship that allows them to exert considerable influence on each other: from early childhood as playmates to adult relationships as confidants, counselors, and helpers in difficult times. Siblings are socializing agents who provide their brothers and sisters with opportunities to develop social understanding, sensitivity to others, care-giving and conflict management. Siblings often teach their brothers and sisters skills and add to their language and cognitive development. The literature on the effect of a child with special needs on his or her siblings has been, until recently, confusing and contradictory, with reports of both negative and positive impact. Many early studies that reported negative effects were methodologically flawed. Many positive effects might not be seen initially, but become more evident in adolescence and adulthood. What then determines whether a brother or a sister of a child with a disability will be affected negatively or positively? The answer lies in parental attitudes and expectations, culture, family resources, and patterns of interactions between siblings. The rise in recent years in our community of the many services offered to families, including siblings, reflects our commitment to improving the lives of the families, their disabled children and siblings. More importantly, with greater understanding of special needs and educational options, our attitudes have become ever more positive and vice versa – our positive attitudes have greatly impacted the availability of services and educational options. One issue that siblings often complain about is that parents treat them differently. Differential treatment is sometimes more extreme in families having a child with a disability. Regardless of how the siblings feel as a consequence of the differential treatment, as a general rule, they do not vent their frustration on the special brother or sister. Mostly, they are kinder and gentler with the special sibling than with other siblings. Often they assume the role of a helper or teacher and even conflict mediator. At times their enthusiasm and desire to protect and to help is so great that parents have to intervene and guide the sibling in allowing the brother or sister “to learn for themselves.” Differential treatment remains an issue in many families with very young siblings. However, as the siblings grow and mature, they begin to see and understand how having a disability mitigates the perception of differential treatment. Conflict between siblings is almost universal in families with two or more children. Although it might be expressed more subtly in families with a special child, it exists as a challenge and often adds to the burden of the overstressed parents. Below are some suggestions on how to reduce sibling conflict:
The brothers and sisters of children with special needs are, by and large, a resilient bunch. As they grow up they develop into sensitive and caring individuals. They are more involved in giving of themselves to others than ordinary siblings. They take less for granted and appreciate life’s gifts more. They feel privileged to help others. They are much more likely to use patience, love and acceptance in dealing with others – and their vocational choices often reflect this spirit. Many choose the helping professions or specialties in special education in order to continue to serve the community and make a difference in the lives of others. Dr. Shoshana Rybak is the Director of Psychological Services at HASC and an adjunct professor at Touro College. |
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